dont give up. keep telling yourself that....

but whatever you do, DONT GIVE UP!!!

respect and trust. will i ever get over it? this stuff happens all the time doesn't it? well then why does it seem like it has permanently damaged who i am? i had to completely change who i was so i could stay sane. but now am i overdoing it? i seem "irrational" but it seems so rational to me. stupid things are a much bigger deal because i fear the possibility of no respect. i want to make sure im not a doormat. in order to be respected, i have to demand it. otherwise, its useless. but why is it that it takes so much work to get this respect? i feel like i deserve it so why do i not have it?

i never knew how much one stupid event could alter my life. and essentially, how it could alter who i am. i thought i could be bigger than that and not let it get to me as my life went on. but it sticks with you. your perspectives of people change. you become different. i become distant. and as much as that scares me, i would rather be distant than get hurt again. if that means i over analyze whether or not i am being respected then so be it. if i act out in anger or resentment, i apologize. it isn't you. it's what you represent. and i dont know if i will ever be able to go back and view everything like i once did. and for that, i apologize, but understand, it's not that i don't want to. it just hurts too much to think about going back to my "innocent" fairytale that never existed anyways.

untitled

i wish that i could be a friend who people didn't worry about. it's hard to be a friend to someone when all they cause you is worry. i know i am difficult. i have accepted it. now let me figure it out for myself. its up to me afterall...

i hope new years eve works outtttttttttttttt cuz its taking forever to plannnnnnn